Choice or chance
by Unnamed.in.whispers
Summary: The team crash-land on a chig planet. McQueen and Hawkes are the only ones to escape the AI's that have taken over the human habitation.


Title: Choice or Chance

Series: Space: Above and Beyond

Type: Slash Fiction

Pairing: McQueen/Hawkes

Rating: 15

Summary: The team crash-land on a chig planet. McQueen and Hawles are the only ones to escape the AI's that have taken over the human habitation.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Firefly characters or anything from the universe of Space: Above and Beyond. I am just taking the characters and playing with them a while – promising to restore them whole and unblemished! Thanks to Morgan and Wong for creating these toys for me to enjoy. Please don't take any of my playing as having any bearing on the actual series. Enjoy.

/

I don't know when I came too, but I remember the air was musty and the light barely filtered through the cracks in the escape pod.

I was vaguely aware of a body beside me. A hand tightening on my thigh. I knew who it was without looking.

Colonel McQueen.

He's always by my side. Dragging me up and out of danger.

I left the others. I left them because he told me to. And it's not because he's my superior officer. It's not the rank I'm following. It's not the fact he's another Invitro, like me… It's the man.

I think I'd follow him into hell if he told me. That's if I believed in a hell. I'm not sure what I believe in any more. Except what he tells me.

My vision is clearing as we run. That's when I notice the Colonel is injured.

He's falling.

And I'm clinging to him like my life depends on it.

Leave him. That's what he's telling me to do. Leave him.

I can't believe it. We stick together. That's what we've always done. Sepper Fia – always faithful… It's what the Colonel has always told us to do. So, how can he tell me to leave him in the middle of a Chig-hot planet?

I try to argue back, but no words come into my head.

Who would figure? Cooper Hawkes…dumfounded.

But all I can think about is how much he's meant to me. He's been more than a commanding officer. More than a friend. He's the only person that's had faith in me. That's given me the chance. He chose to give me a chance.

Suddenly that means a whole hell of a lot.

From the moment this black sheep of an angry angel walked into the bar when I was training…right up to now. The guy has inspired me. Made me want to better myself. And in doing that he's become the better part of me.

Hell, I'm not smart. I'm not nothing. Not without him to guide me.

He's hurt so bad. And I can't just leave him.

But the 58th are all counting on me back in that crashed Chig escape pod.

I promised Vansen I'd be back for them.

So it's my buddies… my friends…the closest thing I have to family… or Colonel McQueen.

He can see I'm hesitating. Those eyes can always see into my soul. They know me better than I know myself.

And he's telling me I have to go. I have to leave him and find the others. He's telling me without even saying the words.

And, damn it, I will. I can never disobey him.

So, I turn my back on him, feeling sick as I do. There's a deep wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach. And I look back to see him hunched on the ground.

That's when I realise… That he's feeling it to.

We're going to die on this stinking planet and I would never be able to tell him how much he's meant to me. Not that I could find the words. All I'm doing now is staring at the man in wonder.

And I realise that I'm reaching out to him. Gripping the black uniform so tightly you can hear the material creak beneath my fingers.

Neither of us say a thing. Not a damn thing.

There's only the hot wind and our breathing.

I never thought he felt fear. But I think I saw it in the instant I pulled him up to meet me. Pushing a hand into his back to keep him upright, I just look at him a moment. Damn, I'm so confused.

His grey eyes softened as he went to speak-

I never did find out what he was going to say.

Because I pressed my lips so hard to his I think I took his breath away.

I'd seen kisses on old vids and in movies. But I never realised how much they conveyed until that point.

This kiss said I'll find them and I'll come back for you. It told me be careful and stay alive. And there was something deeper that neither of us were ready to admit to.

His lips parted beneath mine, just slightly, and he sighed and I realised that this is what I wanted when I'd seen the angry angel in the bar all those months ago. Some part of me knew, even back then, this would happen.

His hands wove up into my hair and I sealed my arms around his waist.

I could smell his scent and mine as they mixed in the breeze, sandal-wood and spice, blood and sweat.

He knew where I came from. And I knew him.

Then we parted.

And I turned.

And ran.

/

Hawkes turns away from me and runs.

That's probably the best call.

Where the hell did that kiss come from anyway? And was it him or me?

The kid's messed up. That's the only explanation.

Still, now he's gone, I feel a little empty.

No time for that now. I'm trapped, injured, in an enemy strong-hold. Got to stay focused. Survive. That's the goal.

My training takes over. So much, that the next few hours become a blur of ambushing the enemy and attacking. The AI sounds resonate in my head and all I remember was that I swore I would never let them catch me again. No one should have to go through that. No one. Least of all my kids.

I remember the torture as clear as I taste the blood in my mouth now.

They were never meant to be human. But they understand us completely. Our fears. Our limits. They push and push until there is nothing left of the person they are working over.

I didn't know myself until I had endured that.

But then again, I don't really know myself any more.

And I realise, this kid has kept me going. I will see Hawkes again. That kiss couldn't have been the last.

Then I see him. A lone AI. Perfect. Hardwire the mainframe and locate the 58th. I tackle the bastard to the ground and it's only when I have it pinned and I'm ready to knock it's optics to the back of that damned metal cranium…that I realise it's Hawkes.

I'm so shocked to see him. I thought he was long gone.

He's shaking. I can hear it in his voice. He's telling me the 58th are gone. And I know I'm all he has left.

I know that the AI's have got them. And I know what the damned Silicets are capable of. And in that instant I vow that they'll never get their slimy hands on me and Coop.

So he's coming with me. Where he belongs.

Neither of us mention what happened earlier. It just means something the kid needs me.

Me. An old man. A lifer.

I vaguely wonder, in the part of myself I keep frozen, what this kid could see in a war dog like me. But I dismiss the thought as battle-stress. Heat of the moment. Neatly forgotten.

It's hard to forget when I can feel the heat of him press into my back as he watches for me. Right there. Connected.

I turn to say something and he's there, at my back… as bad as being in my face…inches away…

Damn. I'm so hot I could melt into the sand.

I can feel Coops breath pouring over my neck as I give him orders to extract the 58th. We have to wait for night cover. I tell him that means we have to lie low.

His eyes go wide and I try not to think of the implications.

Try not to think of nailing him into the ground, as he bites his pouting, lower lip.

Shit. Am I sweating now?

/

A sweat breaks out across the Colonels forehead as I try not to think of how I wish I was the one to make him sweat like that. I tell myself it's the humidity, as we dig the tightest fitting fox-hole in history.

We're practically on top of each other as the sun rises to it's peak.

That's not the only thing rising. I've had him pressed against me for hours. Hours of me trying not to think of just wrapping those legs, that are hard against me, around my waist and pounding my superior into the ground.

I need some water. I need to get off this planet. I need to get off…

/

Shit! I can feel how tense Coop is.

I reach for the water and drag the canister up,

/

Christ! He's bending over. His ass is pressing back into me. I'm so hard now it hurts to think.

/

I just felt that, didn't I?

Coop is panting into the back of my neck. His chest pressed into my back, thighs aligned with mine. He's tight and firm and snaking a hand around me.

/

What the hell am I doing? If I get this move wrong McQueen will eat me alive, and not in the way that's good.

My hand keeps moving and I think I've stopped breathing as I reach for his zipper and realize…

/

Well, no going back now. The kids figured it out. I'm about as hungry as he is. I try my best to make the groan silent.

/

Shit! He's digging this! I can't stop myself now. The colonel angles his head back and exposing the tender skin of his neck. I sink my teeth right in.

/

I'm going to kill Coop! He has me right where he wants me as I feel every inch of me come to life. His teeth dig in, his hand at my zipper and all I can do is moan like a wanton woman…

I think I need this more than he can imagine.

/

I can't believe what I'm doing. I have him in my arms, in my hands, in my mouth. My colonel is groaning at the feel of my skin on his. The sound is driving me higher as I push my hand into his combats, releasing the tension for him as he drives back into my body.

/

The kid hisses, his hand around my cock... I jerk back, absently shifting into his aousal.

Damn! I snake a hand back to ease his tension. Least I can do as he jerks a hand down my throbbing cock. I try to think of something to calm me down… anything I can do not to explode there and then. My legs are jelly. Lucky I'm already on the ground.

/

Did the colonel just move back into me on purpose! Damn! I swallow – hard – as his hand brushes across my thigh, thumb bumping the tip of my cock.

I practically spasm and thrust forward to his touch – he's got me now…

/

My head bends forward, submissive to his advantage. How I want him as my fingers close about him. Damn! I can't hold on any longer…

The foxhole bursts with passion as we both empty and grind teeth in heat and disbelief.

/

Did that really just happen?

There are dots in my vision and the numb delight of his skin on mine fades…

My heart calms…

The tension fades…

I bow my head to touch his shoulder and he leans back to me…

The moment – it's all anyone really wants.

/

Hell… I didn't want to feel like this again.

What are we supposed to do now?

/

What are we supposed to do now?

The colonel coughs.

I suppose the moment is done.

I reach my hand back as his touch leaves me.

He's gone.

/

I can't feel his touch as we both cool.

But damn… we're on a mission.

Gotta focus.

Still my breathing…

Can it McQueen! Got people relying on you!

I clear my throat and do my bet to sound professional…

/

"If we're done I suggest we make a ways to save energy for attacking the enemy."

/

Did he just say that?!

Shit… I pull back a little.

He's right… my best friends lives depend on us…

And my brain is still focused on his body being so close to mine.

"Sir… Yes, sir!"

/

Not the answer I wanted after the best handjob I've shared in a very long time…

But we're on a mission…

I hope the kid understands…

We move a little further away to clear ourselves up.

/

We're on a mission…

I get it.

Back the war for now – I hope he understands…

/

Back the war for now – I hope he understands…

* We always have time...


End file.
